I will myself blind and deaf.
I will myself mute.
I will myself devoid
of all senses.
I will myself dead to the outside world.
But what good will this do,
what purpose could it possibly serve,
when I am still alive inside
myself?
Alive,
and filled with rage,
doubts,
and tumult.
Tumult.
I will myself insane.
This is the logical end
for someone like
me.
The only possible end.
A well-deserved end,
I am sure.
February 4, 1997