Lying still on my back,
on something soft and
wet under me,
with a misty layer hovering in front of
my half-opened eyes,
and phantoms revolving all
around me,
I think I can hear someone crying
in some nuke,
in some hideaway,
in some dark and
semi-private corner,
near me.
Someone who must think the
world of me
that she sheds
her very tears
for
me,
so willingly,
so, seemingly,
profusely.
Someone who, undoubtedly,
loves me,
and who must
be sinking
deeper and deeper
in love with me,
as she
watches me,
all dazed, motionless
and fragile,
all for the world to see,
to stick things into me,
into my arms,
into my chest,
invading
me,
desecrating me -
a Ka’abah, a Ka’abah…
For I must be a Ka’abah,
some sort of a holy thing,
to attract all these
people
to me,
to make them so
willing to circumambulate me,
to declare their love
for me,
to
endear themselves
to me,
to worship me,
to worship me,
to cry: “labbayk, labbayk!”
Oh, labbayk! Labbayk!
They cry: “labbayk! Labbayk!”
as I slide into a
different world,
inspite of me,
a world all too
different from the one I had in mind.
- For I have been trying to free my soul
from the clutches of their temptations. -
- I have been seeking entry into the only
safe haven,
the
only resting place,
that could ever exist,
for someone like me. -
But now,
now I find myself sliding
into the very
reality I have been
trying
to forsake,
inspite of me,
I find myself deafened
by
their prayers,
blinded
by the glow
of
rebellious hope and solemnity in their eyes,
I find myself
losing myself,
inspite of me,
inspite of me,
to the
fulfillment
of
their wishes,
of
their dreams,
of their very expectations
of me,
as I bounce back from my
final relapse,
well on my way towards
making a full recovery,
and having
another go at the disappointments,
the heartaches,
and the misery,
ah the misery,
the
misery
of life.
May 1998
Notes
* The Ka’abah
is a cubical temple found in the city of Makkah (Mecca), Saudi Arabia, to which
a practicing Muslim has to make pilgrimage at least once in his/her lifetime,
provided the task is affordable
* Labbayk:
This is a call that the Muslim pilgrim has to make as he/she is making the
rounds around the Ka’abah during the pilgrimage. Roughly translated, it means:
“by your command.”