Happiness and I are not destined to each other.
Sobriety is not a state I am destined to ever experience.
The drunkenness of daydreams and wishful thinking,
the lure of continuously metamorphosing illusions
appear to me more and more as
the veritable embodiments of my fate.
This is a trap from which there can be no escape.
Not a single moment of sobriety can ever be interjected
into that ceaseless flow of
suicidal thoughts that comprise my life-story,
pure
and simple.
Not a single moment of warmth.
Not a single instant of calm.
Not a single ray of light.
Forever cold and frantic,
this is my fate, it
seems,
my written destiny.
March 18, 1997