Perhaps in time I can learn to cope with the blindness of fate and fortune. But for the life of me how can I ever cope with my own internal blindness? How can I adapt to my own superimposed veils? How can I deal with my own unwillingness to see?

But what is there to see?

If the voices I hear and the feelings I get are any indication, if the scents I pick and the sensations I go through have any true meaning, and if my apprehensions and fears were good measures of reality, I might be better off not seeing whatever there is to see. I might be better off joining God and the world in the blessing that is blindness.

February 19, 1997