My True Need

  I cannot believe in immortality.
  Longevity is far more comprehensible to me.
  I can only believe in what is comprehensible,
                     so I can understand and defend what I believe in,
                               so I can be inspired by it,
                                      so I can be enlightened,
                                                        truly enlightened.
  For the incomprehensible inspires only awe and stupor.
  It drains out the mind and the soul.
  And I shall not be drained so willingly, anymore.
  I need something to give meaning to my life,
                                                not more mysteries.
  I need hard facts.
  I need sensible thoughts.
  I need a presence that I can truly feel around me.
  I need love.
  I need warmth.
  I need understanding.
  And what god can give me this now,
                  what devil, now when I need it most?
If only we can believe more in humanity,
                                              in ourselves,
                                                   in each other,
                                                       eternities and absolutes would become irrelevant,
                                                            as indeed they should,
                                                                       as indeed they are.

March 16, 1997